Did Modern-Day Feminism Ruin Our Happily Ever After?

There was a time (or at least a fantasy of a time) where life looked a little more like a fairytale. One where love led to a white-picket-fence home, the husband went to work, and the wife stayed home, raising kids, keeping the home warm, maybe baking bread from scratch and waiting for your loved one to return home. For better or worse, that picture doesn’t exist for most of us anymore.

 

So what happened?

Modern feminism gave us the right to vote, equal pay (or at least the right to demand it), the ability to climb ladders that were once built exclusively for men, and the permission to want more: careers, dreams, voices, lives of our own. And we took it. We’re powerful. We’re educated. We’re paying our own bills, buying our own homes, managing our own retirements. But somewhere along the way, that freedom came with a cost we don’t talk about often enough:

We still want love. We still want partnership. We still want softness. But the systems we built to empower us are now the very things that are keeping us from “settling down.”

And let’s talk about what that even means anymore. Settling down used to mean finding someone to build a life with. Now? It often means learning how to balance two demanding careers, student loans, rising rent or mortgage payments, $7 eggs, childcare that costs more than a small mortgage, and the exhausting illusion that we’re supposed to “do it all” — alone if we have to.

We were told we could have it all. And maybe we can. But the price is high. Dual-income households aren’t just a choice anymore — they’re a necessity. Not because women are greedy for success, but because the economy isn’t designed for one income to support a family the way it used to. And in our fight to never be dependent on anyone, many of us have become so self-sufficient, so fiercely independent, that we’ve built walls instead of bridges.

 

We’ve mastered independence — but are we losing intimacy?

Hyper-independence may be a trauma response, but it’s also become a badge of honor. We say we don’t need anyone. We can take care of ourselves, and we do! But what happens when we want to be taken care of? When we want to rest, to soften, to surrender a little? What happens when we do want to stay home with the kids, but our finances (and identities) say we can’t? It’s complicated.

Marriage isn’t the final chapter anymore. For many, it’s just another milestone on a to-do list of overachieving. Love doesn’t guarantee security. And children don’t guarantee a slower pace. We fought for equality, but sometimes it feels like we’re just doing twice the labor — emotional, financial, physical — and still feeling like we’re falling behind.

This isn’t a call to undo progress. Feminism isn’t the villain here. But maybe the dream sold to us — of both complete independence and a happily ever after — was always a little unrealistic. Or maybe… we just haven’t rewritten what “happily ever after” looks like yet. What if settling down didn’t mean giving up who you are, or sacrificing your career, or abandoning your ambition? What if it just meant choosing peace over life’s luxuries?

This isn’t a blame game. It’s just a question. We all have different priorities and ambitions.

 

Did our fight for empowerment free us — or just change the chains?

Maybe we didn’t want to be men. We just wanted choices. And somewhere along the way, we lost the choice to opt out.

And where do we go from here?

Let’s talk about it. 🌹